I like being the complete mess that I am...

"worrying is a waist of imagination"

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 01:20:59 GMT

I feel like all I do lately is worry. I worry about school, and where I'm going in life/ how I'm going to pay for it all.. which is my next worry getting a job. But today after a long prayer last night I do have a job finally... and now i'm worried about how much i'm going to like it. On top of my best friend dating my step brother and my step dad meeting my dad...

When will I stop having to worry and just have fun with life finally... everything is just really repetitive.. well no more complaining!

I feel

Thu, 22 May 2008 22:44:18 GMT

like I want to eat everything that has chocolate... I think it's because it's that time of month, or becasue it's finals week. Bottum line, I rarely ever eat chocolate but for some reason this week, or rather today, I bought four candy bars because they were only 50cents and I thought that was a great deal... I also ate an ice cream sandwhich... and a swiss roll. There is something wrong. I haven't eaten anything else... I need to call amanda she'd understand fuck finals they always do this too me.

On the bright side, I had an interview this morning at a chiropracter.. Its to be a receptionist and assistant... everyone there was way to nice. Sort of freaked me out, but if i get the job 13 dollars an hour, Mon-Fri 9-5... cross your fingers!!

I need a break...

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 19:08:04 GMT

Time to space my self out for a little bit. Lifes too hectic right now.

Eye Twitches

Thu, 17 Apr 2008 17:33:48 GMT

So i'm currently at a point in my life where I have no idea where I want to go from here... I'm so tired of school right now I really can't even handle it. It's not even the usual end of the year, fuck school attitude. I just keep thinking about all the other stuff I could be doing with my life before I actually get serious. Why can't I take a semester off and travel? When am I going to get another chance to do this? I feel like the rest of my life is already mapped out, and I haven't even begun to take my journey yet. Next is graduation, then get a job... start a family live my life. I'd really rather see the world, then pick up where I left off.

I had some weird reaction to this medicine I was taking, and it made my heart rate speed up... which isn't good since I already have a irregular high heart rate. Anyways I was shaking, couldn't focus and really cold. I feel like thats how my life is right now haha. I can't focus on anything! And i'm always twitching! Well not literaly... but to keep going, and do something else. I never want to be in one place for to long, I just can't concentrate. It's really strange.

Other than this problem, my life is really great. My mom is now married, and moved out. I live with Heidi and she's probably one of the greatest roomies ever. We mostly stay out of each others business, and I think since both of us are pretty laid back it's going to work out really well. I just can't share rooms with people! Sorry Rachael haha. I am getting good grades, on the down side that I detest school... and in the last week i've seen the lakers and i'm seeing Kanye West and Rhianna! I also get to see my dad, little sister, and just a few of my best friends in San Fran this weekend. Life is just a little hectic. I can't wait for summer.

You had some of the best times, you'll never remember with me. ALCOHOL....

Tue, 25 Mar 2008 17:15:51 GMT

Monday of Spring Break.... my friends are back in town.

I've been drunk since last thursday... My liver needs a break.

"I can make anybody pretty.
I can make you believe any lie.
I can make you pick a fight with somebody twice your size.
Well, I've been known to cause a few break-ups,
An' I've been known to cause a few births.
Well, I can make you new friends, or get you fired from work."

Fri, 14 Mar 2008 05:02:05 GMT

I have ha really weird drams lately, the weird thing is, they all are really easy to read. Either that or they are really weird and I have no idea what they mean!! I need a dream interpreter... and I don't mean one of the online one's... those never work. Even though I use them all the time... haha.

Either way haha, I passed my Human Biology test, which I figured I had failed. I also passed my speech that I started, and finished two hours before the class, and passed my Math test with a C. It's been a all together good week, other then the fact that day light savings time totally threw me off... and because of this I have been to work late three times, and fallen asleep sitting up which caused me to miss going out places... other than that life is just really hectic with this whole wedding thing. But break down of my next whole months weekends.

This weeekend.

Friday... Brett's St. Patricks Party
Sat. Ben's Rugby Game/ Kyndras Ballet

Next Weekend

Spring Break/Easter

weekend of the 28th minor break...

Friday 4th---Michaela's Birthday
Saturday5th--My Mom's Wedding

Friday 11th--Lakers Game in LA vs. Hornetts with the guys/ Lisa and Heidi

Friday 18th--Kanye/Rhianna!!

Yes I know you don't want to know but this is partialy for me to keep myself sain...

"In all the world, you'll never find, a love as true, as mine..."

Mon, 03 Mar 2008 18:34:26 GMT

George Straight... Pure Country, look it up, this is what my mom has chosen as her first dance with her soon to be husband. The bridal shower was a deffinate hit... we went wine tasting, and what I thought I was going to really enjoy was actually rather boring if it wasn't for the great entertainment of my mothers drunken friends. Did you know that those bitches only give you two sips for each test? I was pissed, and you can only test each once!! My mom found ways around this though... when realizing that my friend lisa didn't like red wine, she decided once she had all her testers she'd send her back to get her more. Hence why my mom was, "only mildly buzzed" as she told me as we left the first winery. After this we went to kalyra which is an australian winery, where we finished off three bottles that we decided to just buy ourselves and sit outside... beautiful scenery and I got a great wine opener for FREE.NINETY NINETY (haha)...my mom told me it was ok since she had stolen atleast one wine glass from each winery we went to that day. Our last stop was this beautiful winery called bridlewood, redone to look like La Parisima Mission... It had a race track in the back and a petting zoo, there my mom's friend was plastered and lost her huge ruby and diamond ring that her wealthy husband had just bought her... my mom didn't care though, i don't even think she knew what was going on, she was focusing to much on how her lights no longer worked on her "soon to be bride" crown, and couldn't stop taking enough pictures with everyone, including the winery owner... haha. The ride back topped it off... In a van that seats 12... in which we had 11. I listened and drunkenly blitzed sang a long to, brown eyed girl, piano man, YMCA, my boyfriends back, and a plethora of country songs... while watching all of them sway back an forth. It was a great day. It didn't even stop there, it continued at my mom's friends house, with queen, and the grease soundtrack karaoke, along with tequila shots and burritos... my mom went out with a bang though.. what I mean by a bang... she fell and smacked her head on a bar stool haha. no concusion!! she's all good. haha I love my family.

April 5th Thats the wedding date... I'm sure there will be even more mayhem.....

It's a good morning beautiful day!

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 04:35:49 GMT

My life is really content, rather boring a times but all together good... I find myself looking forward to things all the time, instead of enjoying them at the time. Haha the weird thing is I hate that... I wish I could relax and enjoy things while i'm in the moment..

Things to look forward to...

1. St. Patricks day.. (my fav holiday)
2. Spring break, I feel like alot of eventfull things have happened in my life during this week.
3. My moms wedding!
4. Her moving out...and me getting my own house, before summer!
5. Kanye West/Rhianna!
6.Schools out.
7. Summer
8. My friends are home..
9. My Birthday...
10. Figuring out the rest of my life

This is pretty much it, now I need to stop procrastinating on homework and get to it...

And even forever doesn't seem like long enough..

Mon, 04 Feb 2008 06:18:58 GMT

I work everyday from 9-6 and go to school from 6:30 to 9 or 10... This has pretty much become my life. Sometimes it isn't so bad, because what else would i be doing? But when the weekends come and the only thing you want to do is have fun and take your mind off of work... and still there is nothing going on in this pathetic town. thats when it all comes crashing down like a ton of bricks.

It's sunday... super bowl sunday, an the patriots have lost...poor tom brady i was rooting for you, but you threw really shitty passes i must say. anyways i'm at home drunk by myself, and right now i would rather be anywhere but here. I need to get away for awhile. I'm already tired of school, and at the point where i don't even care what i'm going to do with my life. damn i think these next few years are deffinately going to be the hardest, and i'm tired of living every day and hoping for the next to be better. and it never is... I guess i just wish sometimes i had someone to share things with, other than my friends that is... ya know?

"There are places i'll remember all my life, though some have changed"

Mon, 05 Nov 2007 06:59:59 GMT

Even though i love my life right now... Sometimes don't you just miss the old days and the people?

It's the good life, it's the life i live

Fri, 02 Nov 2007 17:58:14 GMT

Halloween was crazy, I miss my amanda because out of everyone i probably see her the most. I forgot how entertaining she is, no matter what, out of everyone she's always down to have a good time and thats why i love her. I went to a halloween party with heidi last night, it was insane a ton of old people, including adams mom who was dressed up like dolly parton haha. and everyone kept grabbing her boobs. Sorta awkward because everyone except me heidi and chanelle, were 30+ years old. They were all a bunch of winos and pretty much shit faced by the time i left. I hope when i'm old i still dress up for halloween and have a good time. I cant wait for christmas, it's my favorite holiday and not because of presents. Just because everything is so happy outside with all the lights and decorations, and all of my friends are home at once. Ah i can't wait!

9/11

Wed, 12 Sep 2007 04:32:01 GMT

I remember exactly what I was doing, exactly 6 years from today. Starting from the time I woke up in the morning, from the time I layed my head down on the pillow to go to bed...

Yet it's weird how it's so easy for people to forget. Even weirder to try and think of how the people in new york, or more specific the ones survived the crash of the towers, feel everytime they wake up on September 11th. They must feel so blessed to be alive...

<3

She's so lucky, She's a star...

Sat, 01 Sep 2007 07:36:01 GMT

Weird how even though you still care to talk to someone, and know whats going on in their life because you consider them a good friend, you don't feel like they really care anymore. Thats why I've decided when your ready i'm here. Yes thats what I shall do, no use in me hoping that maybe you'll hang out, or call me for once to see how things are. Too much like dealing with a reltionship, and thats why I'm not in one.

Plus it gives me time to focus on school, work, family, and those friends who call ME on a regular basis to see how I am, and seem to care whether or not I have fallen off the face of the earth.

So thanks to those people in my life who don't make me feel as if i'm the only one who tries in our friendship, you really don't know how much it means to get one simple phone call, just to see how my classes are going, or how my family is and what i'm going to do this weekend. Even if you do live a few miles away.

Medeviel times sunday, i'm a first timer... so is amanda, it should be a blast!!

Too Much..

Sat, 28 Jul 2007 19:12:30 GMT

"oh, mirror in the sky, what is love, can the child within my heart rise above, can i sail thru the changin ocean tides, can i handle the seasons of my life."

This weekend was an overload. It started too Early. With a Kick off on thursday with Stevie Nicks whom i must say was pretty fuckin sweet for being in her old age. She still sings as good as she did in her fleetwood mac days. And managed to pull off a damn good show with about ten different costume changes. Friday brought about a 4 o'clock wedding for one of my first friends to marry off. It's kind of weird... because although i haven't even found someone who i love that much i wanted to cry when he said his vows to her and he couldn't even look anywhere else, but straight in to her eyes. They were totally un- rehearsed, and from his heart. Ah it sorta makes me sick and i know my biggest fear is to not succeed in life, or never find love. Other than that, I ended the night with Bob Dylan WHAT a joke that was, i wish i would have stayed at the wedding i hear it was a blast with dancing and music. Poor Bob he changed the songs, and his voice is shot. he totally sucked :( and i love him. Oh well atleast now like my mom I can say i got to see the great Bob Dylan, although i wanted to leave after the third song in...oh well atleast i got to spend it with my three best girls, and enjoy making fun of the thousands of bros/bro hos that travel to the paso fair each year.

Brought to your curtesy of the red white and blue...

Tue, 10 Jul 2007 05:32:48 GMT

The 4th of July and Lia's Birthday.. Deffinately a GREAT day... Faded, With my Favorites...

Strange...

Sat, 30 Jun 2007 06:29:10 GMT

Thats how I feel when I think about the fact that no one really knows who I am anymore. Because no one really has taken the time in the past six months to get to know me? or atleast how i feel about anything anymore.

I really need to get away from everyone and everything, for like a week, meaning friends and family. yes this would be nice...

because sometimes i don't think i even know who i am..

Fri, 29 Jun 2007 21:03:29 GMT

I'm really glad that three years of spanish has gotten me no where...

I still can't help customers when they come in to pay their bill..

I just reply lo siento!!

and say manana.. hoping that tomorrow the spanish speaking will be here. haha.

so sad.

Her I come!

Sat, 09 Jun 2007 20:27:13 GMT

I need to go on a game show.. because I am really good at them..

or atleast this is what i have decided haha.

Wed, 23 May 2007 05:50:36 GMT

"It's the days where we sit around and do nothing, the moments we laugh so hard we cry, the way we look at each other and know exactly whats going through our minds. It's the stupid things, the inside jokes, that's the reason why we are the best of friends."

Wed, 09 May 2007 23:00:33 GMT

This was the sunset last night... beautiful isn't it?? This is the one reason why i love this town. Because pretty much any place at around 7:45, as long as your facing west and it's not foggy. Is gorgeous! This was the view from addie road.. or the boardwalk i guess that connects from pismo all the way to oceano.

After eating at brads i went to watch the sunset, it was too pretty not to take a picture of.. anyways i thought i'd share it. Because to me, even if i'm having a bad day, this totally makes it better. I wish it was a little better.. but i was kind of dancing around, and having a photoshoot at the same time as this picture was takin.

Ah i can't wait for summer! And BBQ's.. and i'm sorry
BUT WHO DOESN'T AGREE THAT THE 4TH OF JULY ISN THE BEST HOLIDAY OF THEE ENTIRE YEAR?!

1. It's not religious you aren't dedicated to be with you parents..
2. perfect weather!
3. fire works, and other things that make loud noises.. meaning that you can be asobnoxious as you want to..

4. it's my bff's birthday.. holy shit.. i really can't wait!!

ps. to all my friends i will hold it against you if you dont spend that day with me. :)

Just What The Doctor Ordered

Mon, 30 Apr 2007 19:36:05 GMT

My Day Yesterday...

1. Sleep in until 11.

2. Buy a sack at 12.

3. pre game all the way up to pozo...

4. drunk/"slightly stupid" for the show by 2

5. find out that barrington levy isn't playing because of pneumonia.. BUT eek-a-mouse will be playing instead...

reminded me of back in the day.. led zepp not playing but hendrix is or something. pretty damn sick.

6. beautiful weather, great sun, fun people. and all by 6 o'clock.. so i could take a nap and wake up by 8.

7. play beer pong, BBQ and play guitar hero until 11.. I played on hard and got a 96%.. if anyone knows what i'm talking about..

A day that i needed. now off to finals.

"what if someone just shot me threw this window right now"

Thu, 26 Apr 2007 07:18:20 GMT

"Today you might find yourself feeling very low, lynsi, though you may not have any idea why. Your life is generally going well, so there's no real reason for you to be feeling this way. Chances are that you saw something that triggered an unconscious memory from the past without your even being aware of it. Try to discern what it was, then release it. Then find something to do that you love!"

It's weird how completely right this horoscope was today... Except for the fact that i'm kind of back where i started. I sorta can't get out of this rut. Have you ever felt that way? That whatever you do to make yourself happy [i.e. eat everything.. buy new shoes or clothes, surround yourself with friends, keep yourself occupied] it doesn't really seem to help. uh i guess it's some sort of depression, but it's only for a short amount of time because it just happened all of a sudden. I just feel like i don't really have anyone to talk to anymore. or everyone is just to busy,which is understandable, but when they really need to talk i'm always here. Even if i have alot to do... which doesn't really seem fair? Oh well i'm over it as of now, atleast i have become closer with friends from the past, who still live around here! even if all we do is chase administrators? eat sushi? and confuse movies?

Maybe these feelings are all just caused by sitting in a closet and smoking some bomb purp, to the point where you can't really see the person in front of you?? Thats really probably it... and i just noticed that i need to go to bed...because i'm probably just out of my mind.haha good night. sorry.

Sat, 31 Mar 2007 07:52:35 GMT

don't ya love when you really need to talk...

and all your friends are busy and say they'll call you back later but they dont.. yea me to...

Skipping Beats

Wed, 28 Mar 2007 20:13:01 GMT

I'm tired all the time it sucks... but I sleep all the time it's kind of weird.

Don't you hate when you miss all of your friends.. but it doesn't really seem like they want to hang out? It could just be me probably is.

I miss michaela i can't wait for her to come for spring break. It seems like i always do the most when she is down. She's always up to party.

but i'm excited to see jessica, kathryn and emily as well.

Failed a psych test today.. maybe they'll drop the lowest score? and i didn't make it too english today either, it's not a good day. I think it's because i'm at work and it's insanely beautiful outside.

Sick...

Sat, 03 Mar 2007 01:20:17 GMT

Do you ever look at someone elses life and think of what you would do in their situation?

I talked to this girl i have known since she was litte, and she seemed to be doing really well, finishing up high school, and she told me about her new job, and seemed to be all around happy...

To think this coming from a girl who's older brother died, only two months ago. At the age of 22...How do you get through something like that, I couldn't imagine if i woke up tomorrow and my sister was gone. I would think two months wouldn't be a long enough grievance...

It's people like her that i look up to. She loved him so much, but she's only doing what he would want her to. Always remembering him, but moving on and making something of herself...