So i'm currently at a point in my life where I have no idea where I want to go from here... I'm so tired of school right now I really can't even handle it. It's not even the usual end of the year, fuck school attitude. I just keep thinking about all the other stuff I could be doing with my life before I actually get serious. Why can't I take a semester off and travel? When am I going to get another chance to do this? I feel like the rest of my life is already mapped out, and I haven't even begun to take my journey yet. Next is graduation, then get a job... start a family live my life. I'd really rather see the world, then pick up where I left off. 

I had some weird reaction to this medicine I was taking, and it made my heart rate speed up... which isn't good since I already have a irregular high heart rate. Anyways I was shaking, couldn't focus and really cold. I feel like thats how my life is right now haha. I can't focus on anything! And i'm always twitching! Well not literaly... but to keep going, and do something else. I never want to be in one place for to long, I just can't concentrate. It's really strange.

Other than this problem, my life is really great. My mom is now married, and moved out. I live with Heidi and she's probably one of the greatest roomies ever. We mostly stay out of each others business, and I think since both of us are pretty laid back it's going to work out really well. I just can't share rooms with people! Sorry Rachael haha. I am getting good grades, on the down side that I detest school... and in the last week i've seen the lakers and i'm seeing Kanye West and Rhianna! I also get to see my dad, little sister, and just a few of my best friends in San Fran this weekend. Life is just a little hectic. I can't wait for summer.

current mood: anxious

Monday of Spring Break.... my friends are back in town.

I've been drunk since last thursday... My liver needs a break.



"I can make anybody pretty.
I can make you believe any lie.
I can make you pick a fight with somebody twice your size.
Well, I've been known to cause a few break-ups,
An' I've been known to cause a few births.
Well, I can make you new friends, or get you fired from work."

current mood: exhausted

I work everyday from 9-6 and go to school from 6:30 to 9 or 10... This has pretty much become my life. Sometimes it isn't so bad, because what else would i be doing? But when the weekends come and the only thing you want to do is have fun and take your mind off of work... and still there is nothing going on in this pathetic town. thats when it all comes crashing down like a ton of bricks.

It's sunday... super bowl sunday, an the patriots have lost...poor tom brady i was rooting for you, but you threw really shitty passes i must say. anyways i'm at home drunk by myself, and right now i would rather be anywhere but here. I need to get away for awhile. I'm already tired of school, and at the point where i don't even care what i'm going to do with my life. damn i think these next few years are deffinately going to be the hardest, and i'm tired of living every day and hoping for the next to be better. and it never is... I guess i just wish sometimes i had someone to share things with, other than my friends that is... ya know?

current mood: apathetic

Halloween was crazy, I miss my amanda because out of everyone i probably see her the most. I forgot how entertaining she is, no matter what, out of everyone she's always down to have a good time and thats why i love her. I went to a halloween party with heidi last night, it was insane a ton of old people, including adams mom who was dressed up like dolly parton haha. and everyone kept grabbing her boobs. Sorta awkward because everyone except me heidi and chanelle, were 30+ years old. They were all a bunch of winos and pretty much shit faced by the time i left. I hope when i'm old i still dress up for halloween and have a good time. I cant wait for christmas, it's my favorite holiday and not because of presents. Just because everything is so happy outside with all the lights and decorations, and all of my friends are home at once. Ah i can't wait!

"oh, mirror in the sky, what is love, can the child within my heart rise above, can i sail thru the changin ocean tides, can i handle the seasons of my life."       

         This weekend was an overload. It started too Early. With a Kick off on thursday with Stevie Nicks whom i must say was pretty fuckin sweet for being in her old age. She still sings as good as she did in her fleetwood mac days. And managed to pull off a damn good show with about ten different costume changes. Friday brought about a 4 o'clock wedding for one of my first friends to marry off. It's kind of weird... because although i haven't even found someone who i love that much i wanted to cry when he said his vows to her and he couldn't even look anywhere else, but straight in to her eyes. They were totally un- rehearsed, and from his heart. Ah it sorta makes me sick and i know my biggest fear is to not succeed in life, or never find love. Other than that, I ended the night with Bob Dylan WHAT a joke that was, i wish  i would have stayed at the wedding i hear it was a blast with dancing and music. Poor Bob he changed the songs, and his voice is shot. he totally sucked :( and i love him. Oh well atleast now like my mom I can say i got to see the great Bob Dylan, although i wanted to leave after the third song in...oh well atleast i got to spend it with my three best girls, and enjoy making fun of the thousands of bros/bro hos that travel to the paso fair each year.

current mood: chipper

Thats how I feel when I think about the fact that no one really knows who I am anymore. Because no one really has taken the time in the past six months to get to know me? or atleast how i feel about anything anymore.

I really need to get away from everyone and everything, for like a week, meaning friends and family. yes this would be nice...

because sometimes i don't think i even know who i am..

current mood: apathetic

I need to go on a game show.. because I am really good at them..

or atleast this is what i have decided haha.